Crossover Earth '98
MONKEY IN THE LONE STAR'S SHADOW
MICHAEL SURBROOK
Somewhere in deep space.
The starship was a tiny, vaguely diamond shaped vehicle, scarcely larger some Earth fighter planes. It was also dingy and battered, the once white hull stained with smoke, mud, dirt, grease and a host of other substances, the origin of which most people cared not to know.
The state of the starship mattered little to the owner, since her only concern was that it got her from place to place. As it was, she put as little effort as possible into the upkeep of her ship since she'd rather spend her hard-earned money on food, drink and questionable games of chance. Unfortunately for her, this philosophy was going to prove a costly one.
Deep within the cramped confines of the tiny craft, several minichips -- all of which should have been replaced long ago -- began to overheat, tiny wisps of smoke seeping from their surface. As these chips controlled such necessary functions as navigation, this didn't bode well. A few sparks and pops later, and several readouts went from green to red as the ship's drive changed pitch and a shudder ran through the frame.
All of this went unnoticed by the ship's owner, since at the moment she was safely nestled in her flight bed. Actually, bed wasn't quite the word for it, since it was a low coffin-like structure, where she spent the majority of any voyage, her ship being too small for any real quarters. As for the owner, she looked surprisingly normal, having the appearance of your average human female. Well, your average human female fitness model anyway. She had a well-muscled and well-toned body, that sported a startling number of scars, most of which were readily visible since her sleeping outfit consisted of a pair of bikini briefs and an equally scanty tank top. Of course, all of this was over shadowed by the fact that her skin was a medium gray, a color normally associated with battleships not flesh. She also had a long thin, black-furred tail that was curled loosely around her waist, further evidence of her otherworldly origins.
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Somewhere in Texas.
"Dammit Stan, why the hell do I gotta carry all this crap?"
Deputy Stan Ennis glanced over at his partner, Steve Cartman, with a smirk. "You don't pay your share, you get to be busboy. Don't drop none of that Lone Star now."
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Sensing a total failure of certain key components, the ship's computer activated certain emergency procedures. Immediately, the tiny starship dropped into normal space, recovery beacon broadcasting. Normally, this would have meant the arrival of a rescue ship in short order. Unfortunately, the burned out navigation computer had failed to account for a nearby star system.
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*pop* *fsssshhhh*
"Damn! That hits the spot." Cartman burped contentedly. "Yo Stan, you want another?"
"Not yet, I..." Stan blinked and then craned his neck around to look out the side window. "Cartman what the hell..."
FWOOOOSSSHHHH!!!!
"...is..."
FWHAAAAAMMMM!!!!
..."that!"
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Inside the tiny vessel, readouts blinked and various internal systems hummed to life. After checking the monitors to make sure the ship's only occupant was still alive, the ship's computer switched off the flight bed's functions, raising the transparent lid with a hiss.
Several long moments later, the bed's occupant, a female member of the infamous Saiyan race, sat up and yawned, tail lashing restlessly. Running her hands through her hair, she looked about the cramped cabin with a sleepy expression. <There already?> she mumbled.
Stepping out of the bed, the woman yawned again and stretched, muscles rippling and joints popping. Her name was Kayli, and if the computer had waken her up, it could only mean one thing; she had arrived at her newest assignment. It was time to get dressed. Opening up several lockers, she started pulling her combat harness free.
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Screaming down the otherwise deserted highway, Stan stared with rapt fascination at the distant glowing spot that marked where the brightly glowing ball of light had landed with a thunderous crash. Pulling onto a narrow access road, he spared a moment to glance at his partner.
"You tell dispatch we possibly have a plane down. Have them get the emergency crews here yesterday!"
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<Damn, damn, damn!> Kayli punctuated each exclamation with a punch to a nearby section of panel. Pulling her fist from the sizable dent she had created, Kayli absently sucked on one bloodied knuckle as she stared at the control panel's assorted readouts. All of them said the same thing, she was stranded on Earth.
Earth.
An interdicted backwater dump of a planet that no one wanted to go near. There was a loud crash as Kayli slammed her fist into the already mangled sheeting, sending a fastener bouncing across the tiny cockpit. <Dammit!> She howled to no one in particular.
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"Holy shit!" Stan exclaimed, "That's a spaceship!"
"Fuck!" Cartman slammed his hat on the ground, "I knew it! And you know what we're gonna have next?"
"Uh... no."
"I'll tell you what we're gonna have; we're gonna have some stinkin' Eff-Bee-Eye geek from the X-division down here; along with a bunch of big black helicopters going around killing cows; an some man in black saying we never saw this; and then the Air Force is gonna haul all this shit off to Area 51 and we're gonna be screwed!"
Stan stared at his partner for several long moments before he could finally find his voice again. "Cartman?" he asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"
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Sitting dejectedly in her chair, Kayli glared out the narrow cockpit window. Now what was she going to do? She was stuck on Earth! Earth! With her luck, the damn place was interdicted due to some super-lethal plague or overrun with xenomorphs or something.
Her dreary reverie was abruptly disturbed by a flashing set of red and blue lights from out side. Rising she glanced out the window to see a primitive looking blue and white ground vehicle flanked by two unimpressive looking people dressed in what looked to be some sort of uniform. Kayli blinked and then grinned. Lawmen, they had to be. It didn't matter where in the universe you went, they were unmistakable.
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"Alright Mr. Rocket Scientist, now what?"
Stan looked over to where his partner stood, a shotgun clenched tightly in his hands. "I have no idea. Maybe we should call in your black helicopters, eh?"
"Fuck you."
Any further conversation was cut short by a low hiss from the vicinity of the spaceship. The ship, which looked like an elongated diamond, was resting at a slight angle at the end of a long shallow trench. Broken trees, smoldering brush and a thick spray of blackened earth gave mute evidence to the speed at which the ship had impacted.
"Cartman!" Stan hissed, "Get back, something comin' out!"
Stepping back behind the patrol cruiser, Stan carefully drew his pistol. A door had opened in the side of the alien vessel and someone was walking out. It was... it was...
"Damn," Cartman said in an awed tone, "It's some sort of space babe."
Stan glanced over at his partner for a moment before looking back at the strange woman who had stepped out of the ship. The stranger was very human looking, if you discounted the strange gray skin, and if the curves under her white plate armor were any clue, she was certainly a she. Stan looked again, trying to get a better idea of what, or who, he was looking at.
It was hard to tell the woman's height, but Stan figured her to stand no more than 5'10" or so. She had a pretty compact build, and looked to be pretty buff, for a woman. It was hard to tell exactly, since she was wearing a black body suit, white gloves and boots, and what looked like some sort of white plated armor over her torso.
Raising one hand to some strange device attached to her ear, she tapped a button, swinging a small lens over one eye. <-------> she said in a soft tone of voice.
Activating her scouter, Kayli carefully scanned the local area. It looked like there was only the two law officers, one tall and thin, the other short and much wider. They both were carrying weapons of some sort, although based on the present technological evidence, she quickly dismissed them as any kind of threat.
<You all are there is?> she asked.
No response. Well, that was to be expected. The scouter would need to hear at least a little of their speech before it could even begin to try translating. Taking a few steps away from her ship, Kayli paused, hands on hips, and waited for the lawmen to make the next move.
"Right..." Cartman muttered, rolling his shoulders and hefting his shotgun, "Ain't no space babe gonna push me around." He took a few hesitant steps towards the strange woman, carefully keeping the barrel of his gun not quite pointed at the alien. "Alright!" she shouted, "Who are you?! What do you want?! Can you speak English?!"
Inwardly, Stan winced. What an idiot he thought with a sigh.
Kayli gave the fat, shouting lawman a withering glance. What an idiot she thought, as if yelling would make the scouter work any faster. Raising her hand, she decided it was time to show these primitives who was the real boss around here.
Cartman stopped short as the alien raised on hand, palm out. A moment later a bright glowing ball appeared, accompanied by a slight hissing noise.
Oh great, Stan thought, she's one of those para-whozits, like in the ones in New York and LA.
Giving Cartman a broad grin, the alien curled her hand around the glowing sphere of light, making a fist. The ball vanished momentarily, before reforming into a long sword-like beam.
"Holy shit..." Cartman whispered, "She's gotta lightsaber."
Bringing his gun up, Cartman took careful aim at the woman, "Don't move! You even fuckin' twitch and I'm gonna blow you away!"
<----> the woman said and took a step forward.
"Don't!" Stan yelled in vain.
BLAM!
The alien woman flew backwards from the force of the blast, her expression on of surprise and disbelief. The light sword vanished as she tumbled along the ground.
"Dammit Cartman!" Stan yelled, "What if you killed her!"
"What!" Cartman snapped back, "You'd rather she kill us?"
"I... oh shit..." Stan looked over to where the woman had landed.
Instead of being dead, or at the very least knocked out, the strange, gray-skinned woman was rolling upright, arms tightly wrapped around her stomach. She knelt in the dust, her head resting on the ground, gasping for air.
"Damn..." Cartman muttered, "Bitch is tough."
Unghhhh... Kayli knelt doubled over on the ground, arms wrapped across her middle. That fat-assed law officer had shot her! Her! Kayli! A Saiyan warrior! Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself to her feet, feeling a wave of anger well up inside her. Her lips formed a grim smile as she let this anger build and swell, fueling her battle aura. Her body began to respond as energy started to course through her frame.
Stan stared in disbelief as the weird, gray-skinned woman slowly struggled to her feet. She was taking deep, ragged breaths, the air virtually hissing between her teeth. Finally, she stood upright, her feet spread apart, arms at her sides. Her tail flicked back and forth for a moment and then wrapped itself tight around her waist, over the armor. A moment later her body went rigid and her head snapped back as she let loose with a frightening roar of rage.
Stan leaped back in surprise and then ducked down behind the patrol car as the woman's body erupted in a blazing sheet of energy. The hissing and roaring flames danced and spun about the woman's rigid form, tossing dust and debris into the air. Cartman fumbled with the action of his shotgun, before finally backpedaling away as fast as he could.
As quickly as they had arrived, the bright flames were gone. The woman relaxed slowly, carefully, with an almost predatory gleam in her eye. To Stan it looked as if she had somehow bulked up, the muscles of her body seemed more prominent, more sharply defined. It was with a start that he realized the woman's breath was now issuing forth in a thin white cloud.
He suddenly wondered if he was going to die.
Seeing that the woman's pyrotechnic display had stopped, Cartman snapped the shotgun back up to his shoulder. "Freeze bi..."
Stan blinked. No sooner had Cartman uttered his command than the woman had virtually vanished, to end up standing next to the unfortunate deputy, his shotgun held lightly in her hands. With an almost contemptuous grin, she twisted the weapon in two, casually tossing the remains over her shoulder.
<---!> she said with a smirk.
Stan blinked again to see his former partner lying in a twisted heap in the dust. Based on the sounds he had heard, and the way Cartman's head lolled drunkenly, he was quite positive that the woman had killed Cartman with nothing more than her bare hands.
Swallowing his fear, Stan stood up, his hands wrapped tight around the butt of his .357 magnum. "Die!" he screamed, pulling the trigger as fast as he could.
The magnum boomed out three loud reports before Stan had enough presence of mind to throw himself away from the car. The woman had turned at the sound of his shout, and the moment he had started firing she had leapt high into the air. Scant seconds later her right hand had produced a blinding sphere, and with a snap of her wrist had resolved itself in a shower of brilliant energy bolts. He had dove away from the now burning patrol car just in time.
Laying on the ground, his pistol still in his hand, Stan realized that the back of his arm felt wet. A chunk of exploding cop car and whipped right through the triceps, taking a nice bite out of his arm. Staggering to his feet, he began to stumble away from the burning wreck, the strange spaceship and the alien, gray-skinned woman, who even now was making her way around the edge of the wreck, her white plate armor glinting in the firelight.
<-------------.> It came out sounding like a purr, but her expression and the crook of her fingers was unmistakable.
Stan shook his head and continued to his stumbling run, trying to convince his hand to to bring the mag to bear.
The woman shook her head as well and then her hands began to glow.
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Leaning against a broken section of fence, Kayli stared in the blazing depths of the burning car. She grinned wolfishly as she reflected on the rather inept fighting skills of the two law officers she had encountered. If everyone else on this dump was like that she had it made. As a Saiyan warrior she would be unbeatable, able to command such a high price for her services that she would be able to live like one of the royal family. And who knows? Maybe some of these Earthers really could fight!
Pushing away from the post, Kayli started walking down the narrow dirt road the law officers ground vehicle had driven up, whistling tunelessly. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.