"ALIENS INVADE SAN ANTONIO!" screamed the headline of the World Inquisitor. Now normally, I don't read a lot of the trash that these rags put out, but Marianne Milliken had shared the byline on this one, and she at least uses a degree of actual fact in her stories. Most of the time. I had to admit that this one had me baffled, though. There was precious little scientific evidence that life existed on other planets, let alone that they had developed a method to travel here. But then again, I always had held that the biggest reason to suspect that intelligent life existed on other planets was that they hadn't tried to contact us.

And come to think of it, with all the lunatics running around shooting laser beams out of their eyesockets and half the press chasing after non-existant scandals while the other half stares about like sheep, who's to know the difference? Lord only knows they miss most of the really important stories, taking the pablum they're given and not bothering to do effective research.

My somewhat - but only somewhat - cynical chain of thought came to a quick close at the sound of air brakes. The bus began to make it's final turn into the parking lot and I gazed out the window while the driver made the patently obvious declaration of where we were. This was it, then. One of the darkest dens of iniquity in the world today. The gulag with glitz, a mecca to merchadising sucking in dollars and spewing out programmed filth. A trap for the casually unwary, set up decades ago to lure in the unsuspecting masses. As I looked at the gate, my mind automatically placed the sign 'Abandon all Hope...' over the entrance.

I had arrived in Hell.

I was at Disneyland.

The sheer horror of the situation broke on me after I laid down nearly a hundred dollars for a three day pass. Not that I worry about the money, after all, it belongs to the insurance companies and not me. And they'd probably just love to stop me from spending it, too, but they still haven't managed to catch me at it. But the thought of having to maintain a cheerful expression while wandering through this place for three days caused me to wince painfully just a bit...

Still, I gave the woman behind the counter a cheerful smile and proceeded to walk through the turnstile, letting them scan my 'passport' (are these guys full of themselves, or what?) and exchanging pleasant banter with the ticket taker. From that point on, I was in hostile territory, and I put on a brave face and added a roll to my walk as I strolled past the Disneyland railway, ignoring a couple of teenagers who decided to make comments about a young woman needing escorts in the park and the carts hawking film and disposable cameras.

Once through the tunnel I walked directly towards the first set of attractions, all the films and shows along Main Street. I pointedly ignored the gift shops and candy stores along the way, their purpose being so simple and obvious that most visitors bypassed them anyway. What I needed to do was to go where the people went, see what they saw, and discover the root of the problem. No difficulty, I mused, there's only so many places that everyone goes to here. My step was light, despite the forboding I had coming into this... amusement park.

Two days later, my optimism was beginning to wane. Now, I do all the research I can before I go on a mission. You can never know too much about your target, after all, but I just couldn't understand it. The Matterhorn - Space Mountain - The Haunted House - Pirates of the Caribbean... all clean as a whistle. No subliminal images... no hidden messages within the music... The tampering I had been so certain existed ever since I had located dear old Walt's real body and his diaries - and yes, he was cryogenically frozen - just had not been there. The technology available at the time had been much more limited than what we had today, and I had been so sure it would be easy to track down. I had even acquired a janitor's uniform and gone into the maintenance areas and found nothing that could possibly cause the effects I had traced to here.

I sadly munched on a nearly tasteless hamburger and once again wished that I had needed to go to Knott's Berry Farm. At least there I could have been assured of good food even if I didn't find what I was looking for, instead of this garbage which really just made you want to throw up after eating nothing else for two days.

A sight hit the corner of my eye and I coughed, sending bits of burger to the ground and drawing several stares as I wheezed against the fence. My eyes widened as I looked at the sight across a short expanse of paved americana, a technicolor yawn which had taken the form of a fairy tale castle that could never and would never have existed. I cursed myself roundly. Like so many things the answers are obvious if you just ask the right questions. With a slightly fearful shudder I walked over towards the line, one of the longest in the park and realized just why I had been avoiding this place all along. It wasn't that it would take too long, but it was the type of place that would draw the weakest of the weak-willed cattle who came here and that would chase away those like me who might resist, or weaken them to the point where they would be easy prey.

Inside of twenty minutes I was lowering the safety bar and being whisked away into It's a Small World.

From the moment I was swept into the brightly lit first chamber and the music hit my ears I could tell something was different. The hairs on my neck seemed to rise in warning, my mind screaming at me to get out. No one else seemed to even notice the change, the children on the seat in front of me pointing around and chattering mindlessly and excitedly. With the utmost care I reached up and inserted my earplugs - a rather unusual filtered design I had specially made myself - and the whole thing seemed to change.

"o/~ ...It's a Small World after all, It's a Small World after all, It's a Small World after all, And it's mine, mine, mine, all mine! o/~"

I blinked in shock as the voices dropped back into the normal range, my hands falling to my lap as I listened to the new words. Mr. Disney had definitely been toying with this... it was his voice without a doubt. Filtered sunglasses went on next, turning the room from a colorful extravanganza into a scene that reminded me of a Hitler-esque parade ground. And over it all a massive portrait of Walt Disney himself.

"o/~ It's a world of treachery, a world of fears, It's a world of blood, sweat and toil and tears, But it's too small to share, so it's time you're aware that it's my world after all! It's a world of plots and a world of schemes, and I'm sorry to end all your precious dreams... o/~"

By the time I emerged back into the sunlight I had developed a twitch in my cheek from listening to the music. And it wasn't the normal one a lot of people have in reaction to the syrupy sweetness and light that supposedly goes on in there. This thing was evil, and I had to put a stop to it. Once and for all.

Children ran back and forth with their mothers and I heard more than one parent answer the insistant pleadings with an "All right, we'll go again." which sent chills up my spine. How many children, in all these years...

I ducked into the nearest bathroom and quickly changed, glad now that I had managed to acquire the uniform and I.D. earlier. The fourth wig of the last few days went into the trash can and was covered with a few layers of paper towels and a couple old lunch bags to keep the curious from finding it. Emerging, I walked with purpose over to the employee entrance to the ride and marched in without breaking stride. It's amazing what you can get away with if you just act like you know what you're doing - I've strolled right through lines of police officers who were actively searching for me with that exact same walk and never got a second look.

It was a moments work to find the rooms devoted to the operation of the music system. For all I can say about this place, it's a miraculously easy one to find your way around in when you're behind the scenes. Someone in a Goofy costume walked by, her hair matted down with sweat as she sucked desperately on bottled water, her escort speaking calmingly too her and being cut off as I shut the door behind me. I certainly didn't want any witnesses.

The song reels had long ago been computerized. Less moving parts, you see, but they hadn't re-recorded the music. Still, the design was simple enough and I pulled my laptop out of the carrybag I had and hooked into the terminal there. It was a matter of moments before I had the file directory, and even less before I was able to snip out the sections that ran the subliminals. The physical stuff in the ride... that wasn't anywhere near as important. It didn't deliver the message, it reinforced it, and without the audio it would be worse than worthless.

It's a Small World hiccupped a bit as I fed it it's new instructions, the new program taking over and feeding a non-altered version of the song to the kids. I made a mental note to have Rambo hack in here and alter their backups too, just in case. The alteration was so minor that it would go unnoticed unless somebody was checking up on it, and I just couldn't see any of the current Disney people being in on it. Eisner was just too obvious... but it never hurts to make doubly sure.

As I walked out of the service entrance near the ride's exit there was the sound of children screaming as they darted away from the ride, running around and playing and scampering. "Mom! Let's go on the Star Tours ride next! Can we ride the Safari Boats? I'm hungry!" Not a one of them wanting to go onto It's a Small World again, and there were even a couple of them complaining bitterly about being forced to ride it.

Music to my ears. The happiest place on Earth had just become a little happier.

One little girl, perhaps in too much of a rush, ran directly into my leg. "Sorry." she said quietly, looking up at me with big eyes which brightened quickly. "Oh! You work here! Where do you like to go?"

I smiled tightly, "I spend a lot of time up in Cheshire Cat's tree in AdventureLand. Why don't you give that a try?" With that flippant remark I strolled off, angling for the nearest exit so I could go somewhere and find food with nutritional value. And hopefully get that blasted song out of my head once and for all.