The huge metallic body leaned back casually in the oversized easy chair that threatened to rebel by shattering under his weight. It didn't, however. He was clenching a paper in his steel fingers and a stogie in his steel jaws. "Hrmmph. Says here that Elvis is dating some Angel chick out in California. Ooh, nice wings, heheh."

The thin man he spoke to sat back in his own recliner across the room sipping a Diet Pepsi. "I can't believe that you waste your time with those rags," he stated offhandedly as he searched for his place in chapter two of a cheap novel with a picture of Fabio and some unnamed beauty embracing on the painted cover.

"It's research," defended the Machine. "You know that these stories are a hell of a lot more accurate than people care to suspect. Well, maybe not the ones with Elvis. Of course, you never know..."

"Mmm hmmm," suggested Gordon.

Turning the page, the Machine's eyes wandered across the story of Satan's Barbie to yet another report of giant alligators found in the city sewers. "Hey Gordo, here's yet another report of giant alligators found in the city sewers."

"Giant alligators are an urban legend, Machine. They're completely mythical and don't exist. Somebody thinks it’s fun to bring the story back every few years or so."

The Machine's heavy head nodded. "Yeah, I know. But..." He tried to turn the page, but couldn't do it. He read the article again. "This is the third one I've read in a month, in three different papers."

The little man shrugged. "Sounds like the flavor of the month."

"And they're all in Chicago." He paused for dramatic effect. "There's a guy in here says it ate his poodle."

"Good for the alligator. Maybe it will cleanse the world of those ratty little beasts for us. Poodles aren't from Earth, you know."

"So you've told me." There was an itch at the base of his shiny skull. "Gordo, I've got a hunch about this. I think I'm gonna go check this one out."

"Machine, there are no giant alligators," he condescended.

The Machine hefted his bulk out of the now much-relieved chair. "Just like there's no wizards, werewolves and goblins?"

Gordon snorted. "Don't be obscene. There's quite a difference."

"Look, I don't expect to find a giant alligator. But something ate this man's poodle," he argued, trying very hard not to laugh. "Besides, got nothing else to do today. Don't worry, I'll keep in touch." And with that, he left.

He received some stares as he drove around town, but no one stopped him. While a seven foot robot wearing a T-shirt with a Chihuahua’s face that said "Here lizard, lizard, lizard" was a fairly common sight in the small suburb of Constant, Chicago was not quite ready for it. So it treated him with the only appropriate reaction: Total denial.

He took his jeep to a more deserted area looking for any random manhole. One was as good as the next he calculated, since he didn't know where he was going. He hopped out and grabbed a huge flashlight and a length of rope. Opening the manhole was easy. Getting through was not. "Hrrmm. I shoulda thought this out some more," he noted halfway through.

His heavy feet clanged loudly on the surface below, as did the extra asphalt that fell with him. Gazing up at the oversized hole in the street. Maybe no one will notice, he thought, shrugged, and headed down the dark, damp sewer tunnel. For the first time in his robotic life he was grateful that he had no sense of smell. It wasn't the last time he would think this.

"Hey, Gordon! You awake?" There were times when their telepathic link was a pain-in-the-patootie, but it did have useful moments. Like being able to annoy Gordon at any time day or night, for instance.

*Of course not. Leno's on in five minutes.*

"I've got good news-I'm in the sewer!"

*Congratulations. You must be so proud. YAWN*

He just yawned in my head, mused the Machine. Now that was weird. "I'm just calling to let you know that I've arrived safe and sound. I know how you worry."

*Thank you for your courtesy. When do you think you'll be back?*

"Oh, I don't know. How long does it usually take to hunt giant alligators?"

*I'll see you next year then. Don't be surprised if I've rented out your room.*

The Machine actually had to laugh. The old man's sense of humor had come a long way. He liked to think that he was in some way responsible for that. "If I don't see my autographed Mark Hamill poster when I get back..."

*Oops. You wanted that?*

"Hey, I think I see something! Is it, why...yes, I think it is..."

*Yes?*

"I don’t believe my luck! It's a mutant turtle holding a sword! Hold on, I'm gonna go get his autograph!"

*Do you mind if I watch my show now?*

"You realize that Leno’s not funny, right?"

*This from the man who thinks Pauly Shore is our nation’s greatest natural resource.*

"You’ll be laughing out of the other side of your face when he wins the Oscar. Yeah, go ahead and watch your show. I'll wake you up if anything good happens."

*I'll hold my breath.*

Smart ass old man. Well, he thought, might as well start walking. Which he did.

He walked for what seemed like a very long walk indeed. Even though his metal body no longer fatigued, his all too human mind still required sleep. The Machine was about to turn around and head back when the itching started at the base of his neck again. It instantly woke him up. All he saw ahead and behind were shadows. Leaky pipes echoed all around in a sort of hypnotic rhythm. Cautiously he lumbered forward.

Ahead and to the right he discovered a large crack in the wall. The itch in the back of his neck grew stronger as he looked down into it. The crack angled off to the left after twenty-five feet or so. It was large enough for him to enter comfortably. So he did. "This is exactly the kind of thing Gordon would want me to tell him about." So he didn't. "Heck, the little guy's probably snoozing away right now..."

The crack opened into a very large cave that took his breath away. At least it would have if he still breathed. The itch was burning. He danced the spot of light quickly around cavern. Natural rock formations clung to the ceiling and dared him to venture forward. "Hey, Gordo! Do you know about any cave systems under Chicago?"

*snnkrtrtz?*

"Wake up, old man, this is serious. I’ve stumbled onto something pretty weird here." The Machine crept forward as he spoke. He touched a metal hand to the craggy stone walls. "It’s a natural cavern of some sort. Makes me wish I had my D&D stuff here."

*Caverns? Really?*

"No, I’m lying to you. Yes really! I think I hear the sound of running water up ahead, too. There’s another cave here, I’m gonna-"

Hissssss.

The Machine became a statue. What in the name of Sweet Rose was that? It took the next eon to raise the flashlight and look into that cave.

*Machine?*

"Umm, do alligators hiss?" he whispered loudly. The echo was thoroughly unpleasant.

*I don’t think so, but I suppose it’s possible.*

The Machine didn’t hear Gordon’s response. He was too busy staring into the eyes of a very large reptile head. The lizard crunched forward to reveal his front legs, then another pair of legs...then another! It had to be twelve feet long! "I know why there’s no giant alligators down here now. This thing ate ‘em!"

*What thing? Machine?*

The thing was moving slowly but definitely toward him. Wow. This is different. "Come on, Godzilla, let’s go for a walk, huh?" It stopped. Suddenly it reared up on its hind legs, clawing the air with four meaty talons and screaming in a horrendous tongue that the Machine understood as "Suppertime!"

"Sweet Jesus in a burning birch bark canoe!" A ton of green scales came crashing down on his steel body pinning him to the rocks below with a "woomph!"

*Machine? MACHINE! What’s going on??"

"He’s gonna eat me!" screamed the metallic voice box, as he carefully extracted his head from the scaly monstrosity’s jaws. "Well, he’s trying anyway!" The Lizard was tearing away at the alloyed hull that was his body. The Machine’s real problem was that he was unused to such an indestructible form, and his human instinct is to run away and scream faced with such an opponent. However, his current body was designed to face far worse threats than your average giant lizard. There was no real danger at all. Once he remembered this, he was able to join in the fray with a little more competence. Somehow he was able to send a mighty metal fist into the thing’s lower jaw, convincing it that there were better places to stand.

*Who’s trying to eat you? What do you see?"

The Machine scrambled clumsily to his feet and looked around. The itch in the back of his neck was a fire now. His flashlight lay several yards away casting light ineffectively at the wall. The lizard was not in sight. "It’s freaking Godzilla junior!" He walked toward the flashlight backwards, keeping his eyes to the darkness, ready for anything. "It has to be twelve feet long if it’s an inch, it’s got six legs, and big pointy teeth. Any ideas?"

*It’s not an alligator.*

"Thanks. If this is how you’re gonna help you can just go back to UNNNKK!" He realized that he was not quite ready for anything after all as the beast leapt onto his back, driving his face into the ground and pinning him once again. Great claws drove against his neck making him scream. "Jiminy Christmas!!! That actually hurt!" This was not, it seemed, your average giant lizard.

Powerful steel arms heaved the robot to its feet while he twisted around the thing on his back until he was on top of it. Winding up his arm, he sent a stunning blow into the creature’s side. It yelled and bucked him off easily. "Damn! That was my best punch!"

*Try to bring it back alive, I’d like to find out what it is.*

"Try to bring IT back alive? Your concern is underwhelming." He managed to grab onto the enormous tail even as it slapped him into the wall. He quickly returned the favor. Then he did it again. On his third attempt the lizard king broke free and scampered into the darkness.

*I’m sorry. Are you ok, Machine?*

He grinned. "Yeah, I’m ok. It’s gonna take more than a giant lizard to put me down for the count." The itch had subsided by a degree or two. He retrieved the flashlight and scanned the cave. There was no sign of Junior anywhere. "There’s no sign of him anywhere."

*Don’t let him get away, now.*

"I won’t, mother. Just hold onto your shorts." The flashlight illuminated the entrance to the branch cave where he originally saw the scaly beastie. Cracking his iron knuckles, he advanced. "Let’s get this over with."

He stepped boldly into the cave noticing for the first time the tiny stream that burbled across the floor. Light danced off of reflective patches in the walls and ceiling. More stalactites invited him in, challenging him. Godzilla was there staring at him, screaming incoherently. He set the light down on the floor in an attempt to keep the prospective battlefield well lit. He turned to the giant six-legged lizard. "You and me need to talk." The lizard stopped screaming and gazed hungrily into the Machine’s eyes. "You can’t just go around eating people’s poodles like that. It’s undignified."

The mighty green monster reared up in front of him again, nearly reaching to the stone formations above. This time, instead of standing frozen in fear, he acted. The machine lunged his massive bulk into the creature’s midsection in a football tackle. It fell over backwards with a satisfying "whump." Straddling the creature now, the Machine proceeded to methodically hammer it into pulp. The lizard, deciding that it did not wish to become pulp, bellowed and thrashed until the Machine was tossed harshly into the side of the cave. A rumble echoed in the chamber as a huge stalactite fell from the cave directly onto the lizard’s huge noggin, dazing the creature. Seizing the opportunity, the Machine leapt forward and brought down a crushing double axe handle blow on top of the creature’s huge noggin as well, finally sending it into an oblivious slumber. "Got him," he noted proudly.

*Are you ok?*

"Hey, piece of cake." Another echo rumbled as he sat down heavily. This time, the stalactites did not miss. The flashlight was instantly and irreparably destroyed, and the cave became overwhelmingly dark. "Ah, for the love of Harry!"

*What happened?*

"Cave in just killed my flashlight!" He clanged his hand to his forehead in frustration. "Why can’t things ever be easy?" he asked the defunct lizard.

*You do have a backup, right?*

Backup light. Damn. I knew I forgot something. "You’re not gonna believe this..."

*SIGH. Should I send a troop of boy scouts to find you?*

"Har har har. Don’t worry about me, old man. I’ll be home before you know it, and I’m bringing company for dinner."

*Goodnight then. I can’t wait to see this thing.*

Uh huh. "Goodnight, Gordo." Heh, I can’t wait to see it again myself, he mused in the void. Now, what would MacGuyver do...?

Light was shining through the large hole that he had made for himself upon entering the sewer. "It’s about damn time," he muttered, dragging the enormous sleeping lizard behind him. The hard part had been tying the beastie up. Now that he had some light, he saw just what a poor job he had done, too. Three legs were dragging freely while the rope was draped loosely around two others. The final leg was tied to his head in such a manner as to suggest that the creature had been knocked unconscious while picking its nose. "Hrrrm, good thing it didn’t wake up, I guess."

Once it was tied, the Machine attempted to drag it behind him as he walked into several walls. Boy am I glad no one is here to see this, he praised as he walked into a low archway and fell on his can. He had tried to light his shirt on fire by punching some rocks to create sparks. But the sparks were too few and too light, and the shirt refused to catch. Once he made it out to the sewer system, though, he knew exactly which way to go somehow. This didn’t prevent him from tripping into the murky water several times, however. Nor from running into several more walls. He simply knew which general direction to take.

And now he was back where he started. More or less. Getting back up would be hard enough without Godzilla here. But with him...

A fat woman screamed as the soiled robot rose from beneath the street. He looked at her with an odd metallic grin that was meant to be friendly, but rather convinced her that he was here to destroy her planet. She turned and wobbled away as fast as she could, determined to warn everyone that the world had finally come to an end.

When she was gone, the Machine said "I wish I could convince people that I’m not here to destroy anything." He then ripped apart a chunk of the street, making room to haul out his prize. The rope snapped under the reptile’s weight, and the Machine sat down to cry. "This was supposed to be easy..." Looking down on the hapless lizard dozing peacefully below him, he began to realize how truly difficult it would be to extract the beast. He thought back to the scene where Kenneth Branagh was trying to help his newly created monster to stand. After much thought, he arrived at a decision: "This sucks."

I really didn’t want to do this... His mighty hand grabbed a streetlight and jerked it from the ground in a fiery display of sparks, which caused his shirt to ignite. Damn, he noted, and walked back to the hole where Godzilla was waiting. He bent the long pole into a sort of scoop-hook device that didn’t stand a chance of working. Yet somehow, it did. At least, it was able to bring a part of the comatose creature close enough for him to grab and bring the thing topside.

This whole scene from a B-movie was nothing compared to what he went through trying to tie the lizard to his jeep. I don’t think details are necessary.

The Machine stood back and let Gordon examine the massive monster before him. They had decided to chain it up in their basement for now, until they could come up with a better idea. "Has it been out the entire time?"

"Well," explained the Machine, "it tried to wake up on the trip back, and I had to pummel it a bit, but for the most part, yeah. So, what do you think it is, anyway?"

Gordon straightened. "I think it’s a basilisk, but they don’t come this large. And besides, you’re still moving." He shuffled upstairs, and the Machine followed.

The Machine tried to remember what he had read in the old man’s books about the mythical basilisk. "Turns you to stone, right?"

"With its gaze, right." Gordon nodded down a Diet Pepsi and sat sulkily. "I’ve only ever seen one before, and it looked very similar to this one. But it’s not quite right..."

Iron fingers scratched an iron skull. "Would it work on me anyway? Not being flesh, I mean?"

Shrugging, Gordon suggested "It’s quite possible, but we never tested that one out. I’m going to perform some tests to find out what this thing is. Meanwhile, I’ll cast a ritual to protect myself from petrification, just in case." With that, Gordon went to his study. The Machine went back down to the basement.

He gazed at the dozing dragon chained to the walls. "What in the name of Sweet Rose are you?" he asked softly. The enormous six-legged reptile ignored him and slept on.